Currently working on genociding the refined, cultured race of microbes who set to build an advanced technological civilization in my middle ear.
Dear driver behind me: Blinding me with your headlights is not going to make me more likely to risk switching lanes. Just so you know.
The future is almost here. The singularity is just around the corner. Hoo, boy. I can't wait to be late.
Ninja'd myself into a house to place a flower delivery right on the dining table. Just a normal day in life.
A car is not a luxury, but a means of transportation — and the potential manslaughter of up to ten people. And you ask me, why so serious?...
Do i look calm and collected to you? Good! Because, in reality, i'm f*#%ing terrified.
That weird plot development, when the Evil Overlord mind controls the population and redecorates the place, and not much else, and then the Forces of Kindness and Compassion barge in and kill him dead.
A person's wisdom can be accurately gauged by the insistence with which they claim to be able to see into the true nature of things.
Tea, why you run out faster than sandwich? Clearly, there is no justice in the world!
"In case you are wondering, i am only ignoring you, because i respect your personal space."
"Do you take this woman to be your wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, in sickness and in health, until divorce does you part?"
This "weekly" package contains six pairs of underwear. The manufacturer must be implying, we should spend one day nude. A message i can definitely get behind!
When there's a dragon to slay, calling your mother-in-law for help won't earn you any respect, but WILL get the job done.
"Citizen, you are charged with the crime of humanizing the enemy at war time. If you have anything to say in your defense, shove it!"
"Are you okay?" — "I'm not sure; I can't seem to bring myself to focus, or care enough to figure out."
"My only mistake was designing that thing as a professional-scale enterprise, as opposed to someone's hobby project, as it turned out to be."
Worrying my ass off about the destructive impact my mistakes may have on the opinions i think others might be having about me.
There really should be a debate show in which opponents lose score for every fallacy, until, eventually, the other side gets a technical victory.