"Sometimes i get a craving for chocolate, tits and attention. Judge me at your own disgrace, you stone-flinging hypocrite."
"Please, don't insult my intelligence. Or, if you do, at least be subtle about it."
"As someone who fell for a significant number of scams in his life, i can say that this opportunity has all the landmarks of a particularly well-executed one."
"Homeopathic medicine without recognized medical indications. Consult a doctor before use or if symptoms do not disappear or worsen." — Wat.
"Dream of living in the house of your dreams in a dreamy neighborhood? Keep dreaming!"
I received a bugfix notification for a client application i have since long stopped using for a server software i have since also long stopped using. Uh, thanks, i guess?
What is the meaning of life? Nobody knows, and if somebody tells you they do, be sure to check if you still have your wallet.
I've enough sense to not want to test whether or not i'd make it out alive out of a life and death situation on the off chance that i won't.
"I'm tired of turning out to have been right after all. Can we acknowledge me being right right away, for a change?"
"Hi, we are your local supermarket, who have just introduced fully automated checkout, and we..." — "SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!"
"I had to go outside today, in the middle of a heatwave. I would rather not engage in intellectual activity right now, if possible."
If heat waves like this become a regular occurrence, humans will have to consider becoming a nocturnal species.
Pedestrians, where's your instinct of self-preservation? Just because i don't *want* to run you over, it doesn't *guarantee* that i won't.