Change one thing, change it all: What would the world look like if the day started at dawn instead of at midnight?
Keeping all your doors unlocked because you "have nothing worth stealing" is admirable, but dumb.
"Hey, doesn't she look like that actor, uh, what was her name?" — "Don't know who you're talking about, but she looks absolutely nothing like her."
Note to self: Whenever someone answers a "How do i...?" question with a "Why?", it's because they have no clue.
Contrary to a mirror, if you smash up a government, you REALLY get seven years of bad luck.
"Sometimes i get a craving for chocolate, tits and attention. Judge me at your own disgrace, you stone-flinging hypocrite."
"Please, don't insult my intelligence. Or, if you do, at least be subtle about it."
"As someone who fell for a significant number of scams in his life, i can say that this opportunity has all the landmarks of a particularly well-executed one."
"Homeopathic medicine without recognized medical indications. Consult a doctor before use or if symptoms do not disappear or worsen." — Wat.
"Dream of living in the house of your dreams in a dreamy neighborhood? Keep dreaming!"
I received a bugfix notification for a client application i have since long stopped using for a server software i have since also long stopped using. Uh, thanks, i guess?
What is the meaning of life? Nobody knows, and if somebody tells you they do, be sure to check if you still have your wallet.
I've enough sense to not want to test whether or not i'd make it out alive out of a life and death situation on the off chance that i won't.
"I'm tired of turning out to have been right after all. Can we acknowledge me being right right away, for a change?"
"Hi, we are your local supermarket, who have just introduced fully automated checkout, and we..." — "SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!"