(Dodges the attack of a dangerous boss) "I can do this all day." (Counterattacks for scratch damage) "...And by the looks of it, i will."
Waiting for an opportunity to use the phrase "The main difference between us is that i know which areas i'm not competent in" as an insult.
If the most charitable explanation anyone can give your behavior is being really, really incompetent, it's likely the time to stop and think really hard where you went wrong.
It's past eleven, and i'm finally awake, after being up for over six hours. My sleeping schedule is fine. It's my waking schedule that's giving me trouble.
Safety is when the only people who know your secrets are the ones who don't care.
If i'm going to have to look for a parking spot for one more minute, i'm going on a murder spree.
Ten years later, maybe it's time to revoke my original, insecure PGP key 0x5910CF33 and replace it with a new, secure PGP key 0xF76BA194. Goodbye, key. You have served me well. I bet this will subtly or not so subtly break a bunch of things.
It takes a specific kind of person to successfully juggle multiple personas and not blow your cover at the first convenient opportunility. This is why most people wouldn't make very good spies. Not for very long, at least.
When i fix something, there is no guarantee. When i break something, it STAYS that way.
"I'm not familiar with you, but the other one was here a short while ago, so you must be the *other* other one."
"At the company, we strive for full exploit- er, utilization of human res- er, potential! Full realization of human potential, right!"
"Footnote 7: [Person name] has requested to be credited even though none of their work was used in the preparation of this material and their contribution to the effort is zero. We are only happy to oblige."
The only thing worse than a corporation that is evil, is a corporation that is beyond good and evil.
"Your insistent refusal to give me all your money causes me significant grief and therefore constitutes a severe CRIME AGAINST BEING NICE TO PEOPLE."
Every person fully deserves everything their own carelessness and lack of curiosity brings upon them.
The reason banks rob you in broad daylight is that they have very strict business hours.
"Warning: Product contains high quantities of saturated fat." — Sir, it is BUTTER. It wouldn't be much of one if it didn't!
Turns out, it's much easier to communicate with people who don't constantly question your motives and technical expertise. In other news: water is wet, governments are prone to corruption and banks rob you in broad daylight.